Wednesday, October 8, 2014

A Love Life Almost as Pathetic as My Bowling Skills

I was admittedly a little apprehensive about this second meeting with my conversation partner.  It all started off well and good.  Earlier in the week, she had invited me out to go bowling.  I love bowling.  I don’t mean to brag, but I was in a bowling league in my youth.  (There’s really not a lot to do in Indiana.)  So needless to say, I was pretty stoked.  However, early that day, Alejandra texts me and says that none of her friends wanted to go, so it was just going to be her and her 12-year-old brother.
            Oh.
            Here’s the thing.  Children aren’t exactly my cup of tea.  I don’t particularly like them and I don’t think they are necessarily big fans of me either.  I was the baby of the family, and I never had any young relatives, so I never had to do babysitting duty.  Honestly that was for the best, for everyone’s sake.
            So here I faced a dilemma.  I told her before that I would go, and I didn’t want to flake out on her to now.  But I had also only met her one time before, and already she’s introducing me to the fam?!  (This is moving too fast.)  In the end, I decided to suck it up and go.  I mean, how bad could it be?
            She drove by campus to pick me up.  I got in the car and introduced myself to the 12-year-old sitting in the back seat.  He apparently had his elevator pitch all ready to go because he started spouting off his life story.  He is in seventh grade and loves math, but hates geography (amen, kid, don’t we all).  He wants to be a scientist when he grows up.  But his true passion is video games.  He regaled me with tales of his adventures in Call of Duty and Left 4 Dead for the entire car ride to the bowling alley.  And then again during the entire bowling session.  You could tell that his sister was a bit annoyed with him, but I didn’t mind.  I love video games!  We bonded over favorite characters and weapons of choice (fists or chainsaw, obviously).  He was talking so fervently about the subject, even I got a little lost at times.  He was pretty much a typical 12-year-old boy: too much energy with too short of an attention span.
            When we arrived at the alley, we got our shoes and assigned lane and we all went to go pick out balls.  I was testing the finger holes in a twelve-pounder, and one of the male employees comes up to me and says, “Are you sure you don’t want something lighter?”  Oh boy, if looks could kill.  “No, thank you, this is perfect,” I responded, and sashayed away.  I’m no militant feminist, but come on.  I bet Susan B. Anthony was rolling in her grave.
If we learned one thing from our time together, it’s that we all suck at bowling.  I felt kind of bad that Jesus kept getting gutter balls, so eventually we raised the bumpers.  He did a bit better, but there was still room for improvement.  But that’s when something special happened.  Before he was about to roll the ball, his sister walked up behind him and tried to demonstrate the proper technique.  I thought it was probably one of the most adorable things I had ever seen.  It just goes to show you that familial love spans all cultural lines.  But in spite of the assistance, things weren’t looking so great score-wise.  In his defense, his sister’s and my scores weren’t much better.  I debated for a while whether or not I should let him win.  I had a serious moral dilemma about it.  In the end, I did what I thought was right.  (Spoiler alert: I didn’t let him win.  Not even sorry.)
But easily the funniest part of the get-together happened on the car ride back to campus.  I don’t even really remember how this came up, but somehow we got on the topic of significant others. 
“Do you have a boyfriend?”
“HAHAHAHAHA no.”
“Did you leave one back home?”
“No.”
“Are you talking to anybody?”
“No.”
“Oh.”
It was mildly uncomfortable to say the least.  And for some reason I felt the need to expound upon the situation.  I don’t even fully remember what I was rambling about but I’m pretty sure the words “extremely single” were used, much to Alejandra’s horror.  Maybe full disclosure about the sad state of my love life may have been a bit TMI for this point in our friendship.  Oh well.  She asked.

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